How to handle depression as an introvert?

1 I don’t know about it

2 how I come to know about it

3) research on it

4 analyze it

5. Normalise it

6 fight it

7 conquer it

8 relapse and thoughts


1 I don’t know about it

From the beginning some people are introverts.They are not very talkative.So if there is any change in their mindset no one notice.As everyone thinks that it is his or her nature.That person also think that way.Though it looks surprising but it is true.
One of my friend her name is Suman she is a very good writer.She was a very silent by nature. A girl of few words.But she has published many books.But when her mother passed away no one was able to notice.She was sitting near window for hours.But we always thought she must be working on some book.
In my case also when I go back in memory lane it was my brother in law who said once that ” Bhabi now you don’t sing while making chapati’s in kitchen” even this did not ring a bell in my ear.
I still remember Umadi the lonely ness in her eyes when she lost her brother after a drastic motorcycle accident.She did not cried She was brave .Everyone was shouting , crying and she was doing her work normally. Not a single drop come out of her eyes. But still we or anyone in family were not able to notice any change.
We live in a society were everyone is busy with there own problems. No one is sympathetic about anyone.
I still remember myself doing house-chore without any enthusiasm.After I become mother of my daughter vinayana .
I always keep a veil of Smiling face on me I still remember
i don’t want to do anything .
Vinni was sitting on bed
I saw her face I woke up from my sleep and start analysing the steps to send her to school She was looking at me with hope .So i put her walker in front of her mechanically and she stood up by putting her weight on them.I made her ready and went out to drop her in the school bus.Without any emotions.No feelings .Nothing.I mean i was so numb to see her disability that i was not able to smile or laugh even .I was always a chid with spectacles.Teased by boys.My own confidence level was very low.So i was not in a situation to analyse my mental health.


2. How I come to know about it

I must say here that though t lot of information is there .we never ever can relate it to ourselves .we always think that it can not be me.I too was not aware about it.but as everyone is saying why are you sad did I said something .Is there problem at home? I was not at all able to understand why I am not feeling good .Yes I think I can say it that way .Why was I feeling like nothing adding happiness in my life .No good coffee .No good movie.No flower Nothing .I still remember looking at sky just as it is .Going to kandaghat just like that as i have to pick myself give a fake smile keep doing my work no emotions if emotions are there that is like sinking feeling as nothing is for me .like you are seeing a moving in which hero and heroine enjoying snow you are just observing it is. Not for me it is not related to me .numb and observing a big picture of life without any enthusiasm or happiness.It is not for me .like a gift is coming from door but it is not for you it is for someone else. You are just taking it and keeping it.Feeling like not me not for me or i am not getting it .I don’t have words .I am trying but it is very very sad feelings as some thing is dying in you and that is you .you have no courage or strength to pick you up .Get up as you lost a race .Like you are nothing Like so much happening around you but you are not part of it in it.
All this was happening still i was thinking may be it is normal .I still remember when i see someone laughing i look at them and get surprised how they get this much energy .I was always feeling sleepy and tired.If my husband look at me he will say you look tired go to sleep and then i go to sleep .But when i get up i still feel tired .i was having such energy draining,filled with stress dreams are there like it is happening around me.Doing my household work like a robot or machine . Then one day i was teaching a boy everything was fine at home .I have done my chores and still feeling tired then as i was teaching .i noticwd that something is happened inside me like some thing is sinking or i am drowing in very very sad mood .i can feel the chemical changes happening as a flood water is coming slowly towards me.So i was able to pinpoint that emotion of depression .And got awareness that i am not at all responsible for this condition .i am not doing anything to aggravate it i am not the cause of it .Now i have to find a solution of it.So i decided to win it .
3 Research on it
I started looking for different articles The articles that i find relative will quote them here
According to Harward health publishing

“Onset of depression is more complex than a brain chemical imbalance
what causes depression
It’s often said that depression results from a chemical imbalance, but that figure of speech doesn’t capture how complex the disease is. Research suggests that depression doesn’t spring from simply having too much or too little of certain brain chemicals. Rather, there are many possible causes of depression, including faulty mood regulation by the brain, genetic vulnerability, and stressful life events. It’s believed that several of these forces interact to bring on depression.

To be sure, chemicals are involved in this process, but it is not a simple matter of one chemical being too low and another too high. Rather, many chemicals are involved, working both inside and outside nerve cells. There are millions, even billions, of chemical reactions that make up the dynamic system that is responsible for your mood, perceptions, and how you experience life.

With this level of complexity, you can see how two people might have similar symptoms of depression, but the problem on the inside, and therefore what treatments will work best, may be entirely different.

Scientists have learned much about the biology of depression, but their understanding of the biology of depression is far from complete. Major advances in the biology of depression include finding links between specific parts of the brain and depression effects, discovering how chemicals called neurotransmitters make communication between brains cells possible, and learning the impact of genetics and lifestyle events on risk and symptoms of depression.

This article will address the how different parts of the brain affect mood.
Brain regions and mood
Popular lore has it that emotions reside in the heart. Science, though, tracks the seat of your emotions to the brain. Certain areas of the brain help regulate mood. Researchers believe that — more important than levels of specific brain chemicals — nerve cell connections, nerve cell growth, and the functioning of nerve circuits have a major impact on depression.

Increasingly sophisticated forms of brain imaging — such as positron emission tomography (PET), single-photon emission computed tomography (SPECT), and functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) — permit a much closer look at the working brain than was possible in the past. An fMRI scan, for example, can track changes that take place when a region of the brain responds during various tasks. A PET or SPECT scan can map the brain by measuring the distribution and density of neurotransmitter receptors in certain areas”
Neuro transmitters
Dopamine
Norepinephrine
Serotonin
These are also suggested by many scientists that they are the cause of depression.,,,

*Analyse it*

After reading all these articles .I started to analyse it .Step that i have taken. was to keep a track of my emotions .I stop judging myself .I started to think about this I observe while i went to Chakrata with my family that everything that i was looking at was without a emotion .I saw mountain ,i saw river ,i saw trees .It was like nothing what is it .why we are here Are we here to enjoy ? What is enjoyment? Why everyone is laughing? Making fun of each other.Jumping running.What is this .It is all nonsense.I was not at all feeling energetic.How people laugh .It must be a
gift by God to them .How can i smile even It takes lot of energy.But i observed everyone talking to me like nothing happened .i was responding to them .I was mirroring them .It was like a great effort .But no one was able to notice that i am down in emotions I am down in making fun .I am down in participating in anything.I was just a person alive with no soul in it .But since i was able to notice it .It was looking very dark to me .Nothing can come between my self and my darkness.
I have a friend who is also going through the same .She said she can not share it but i am looking forward to .Then she showed me her anniversary pictures It was beautiful .Her husband has done a marvelous job .He has taken extra effort to decorate everything .She told me it was good But she just can’t see it as a happy moment she was observing everything around her as she is looking at a movie without any active involvement or feelings in the moment . completely detached .can you imagine a person sitting in the lobby near a swimming pool but still not absorbing the environment .He is present there but his thoughts are somewhere else.
Not in a mood to laugh or talk or see the things around himself .
But yes i was analysing it .Whatever is happening i am noticing it .I try to change it but nothing happening .There is no spark in my eyes .I was degarding myself .Not able to be proud of myself and my achievements Whenever i look aroud me i found failure. I think i need to change my prospective
bring myself up. Hold myself from the neck and pick myself up.I need to be soft on myself.

Normalise it
How can i do that ? If you don’t have one body part you will miss that but start living without that.so i start thinking this problem as something normal .ok that is fine it happens sometimes will deal with it .Lie down ,Slow down Sleep ,take bath do something useless, keep myself busy .not to let these gloomy clouds spread on my head .It was lot a of effort. It require lot of stre
ngth.But yes i have to do something.Need to do something that can take away my thoughts away from reality.Overexpectations are killing me .I don’t want to say anything to anyone but i think my expectations from others are putting me in depression.My life condition is again bad as I don’t have anything to do .
But now i have developed the ability to see through the heart of others .I am able to empathise with others.So i can see that others are also not very happy .Everyone is struggling to make their life beautiful.So that means everyone is not happy all the time They are doing extra efforts to make them happy.So
They take false methods of praising themselves.They show outside world about their achievements .They try to take approval from outer world .They compete they win .They feel good .But everyone face the moments of loss.
So it made me comfortable with the problem that it is not something that is happening to me it can affect any body

FIGHT IT
Yes, if you know your enemy you can fight 💪.You can find the ways to fight .You can select the weapons .You can attack with those weapons.
So now it is a war .I declared war against depression .
At that time our chief minister of Delhi has started free yoga classes for everyone who can collect 25 participants.I grabbed this opportunity I started motivating my friends ,Started telling them benefits of yoga .Wherever i got the chance i will ask them to join yoga classes . Started with one student that is me i was able to motivate fifteen women to join classes . Regularly going to yoga was not at all easy task for me .Specially when i am in a spell of depression I always have to put some effort to join class.
Then i asked all the women in our society to start dance classes .I made a group and ultimately dance classes begin .I still remember how it was so difficult to put my hands up under the condition of depression .But fight was still going on .
Then i allowed my family to bring pet that is also rabbits .Those two beautiful rabbits were my most important weapon against depression .They always put my spirits high no matter what.
So slowly and steadily i learnt the lesson of mindfulness.I started colouring knitting .My aim was to keep myself away from low dopamine in my blood. Increase the level of serotonin by setting some goals in front of me.
I was writtng some short stories i got it published.
Now i joined online classes to learn Bollywood songs with correct rhythm .
I am still fighting it but since i know my enemy and also its shortcomings i am able to fight it
Conquer it
When you are in war .You always want to be victorious .being a soka gakkai member i can not afford to loose I have to win I have to come out as a winner .So i started observing myself with a soft attitude .Not to be harsh on myself .Try to have very empathatic attitude towards myself.I started loving myself. Started saying good words for myself .Stopped blaming myself for everything.Started pampering myself .
I finished the fight by winning over the enemy .It was me against myself. Yes it is very wage description about my desease but it helped me a lot .Atleast now i know when this wave of depression start emerging in my heart But i acknowledge it.Give some time and win it.
Relapse and Relapse
Yes still it is coming and still i am winning it .It is a fight .Like doctor says to heart patients or to diabetic patients .That you have to change your lifestyle eating habits ,do lot of exercise.Yoy have to take regular medicine .You can control it but it will always attack you if you are not taking precautions .So depression is also a desease though it is all happening in our head .They don’t have a machine to see the percentage of blocage in our head .But we have to change our life style .Have to fight it and conquer it .
Do what makes you happy .
This is your responsibility to keep yourself happy .It is not liability of any one not even your near and dear ones .Take responsibility for yourself and be happy.